How to see the Silver Lining in Times of Loss ...

At some stage in our lives we all lose someone we love and grief feels overbearing with no light on the horizon. As time passes however life does need to go on and you will need to look back and enjoy the memories without having to shut the person from your life for fear of your feelings. Losses can also be less hard than death such as the loss of old friends and neighbours as they move, loss of a steady income, loss of children and family as they move on in their lives but at the time you feel grief and pain. Here are some tips to help hold on to that silver lining that is on the horizon.

Cry if you feel like it. There is nobody you need to justify your feelings to. If you feel like a good cry then do so. Crying can bring feelings of relief and cleansing. Don't ever feel that crying is a sign of weakness, if anything it is a sign of strength showing your emotions, how you feel about the situation and can sometimes be a sign to others of your needs and support.

In the case of a lost loved one, before trying to move on make sure you have fulfilled any requests they may have made before passing away. This will take any burdens off your mind and will give you that sense of having supported and achieved their Will.

Understand that there are different processes and stages you need to pass through in your grieving. Sometimes you will experience a deep sadness, like depression. Other times you will feel anger at what happened. Waves of emotion can take over your thoughts. Denial at what has happened, thinking somehow perhaps you can turn back time. Eventually acceptance. You do need to keep in mind also that you may experience these different emotions like a roller coaster at different times for a long time after the loss. Just be aware and cope as the times come.

Look after yourself. Get plenty of exercise, eat properly and try to sleep as well as you can. Getting yourself sick is not going to help the situation and will only enhance your feelings of loss and grief. Your body will have less resistance to cope.

If it is not a death you are coping with try to put the loss into perspective. If it is the loss of your ability to sew or knit any longer work on other things you can do and move on. By keeping things in perspective you won't spend your whole time in a perpetual sense of misery which really will become overwhelming in times of a really serious loss.

Know that it will take time to accept your loss. Be patient and don't berate yourself if you have a relapse. Grief can be a lifetime journey and everyone is different in their reactions and time they take through the process.

Grieve at your own pace. Ignore people who either tell you that you should be grieving more (they often don't understand how you are coping with the situation) or those who tell you not to wallow in self-pity. It is your choice when you move on.

When you feel it is right look to the future. Make plans. Don't feel guilty that you have to move on. If the roles were reversed think how you might feel.
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Coming home to an empty house or not being able to pick up that ball of wool, whatever the loss it can sometimes seem disproportionately great but whatever the circumstances you can survive and life will go on.

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